Sunday, December 12, 2010

Ho Hum Holidays

*This is a very negative post that I have a need to write.  You can stop reading it at any time if you choose. 

I usually enjoy the holiday season immensely.  I love to bake and make things for my friends and loved ones, find the perfect presents, and just flat out enjoy myself decorating.

This year I'm finding it really hard to get into the spirit.  We haven't decorated or even got a tree yet.  While I embrace the "reason for the season", I just can't find it in myself to be jolly and happy.  A large part of my heart is missing and I'm not sure if it'll ever heal.

Losing Mom, while expected, has been devastating to me.  She always tried to make the holidays special for all of us and enjoyed them a lot.  It is getting tougher for me as everyone is getting giddier (is that a word?) while I'm feeling more melancholy as the days go on.  Many days I'd like to just stay in bed and pull the covers over my head. 

I'm trying to not pull everyone else down in my funk with me, but I miss her and I won't apologize for that.  It seems like people only want to give you a set amount of time to grieve and then you're supposed to "get on with and over it".  She was my Mom and closest friend, you heartless *******.   (Sorry, but I'm hoping that some of the individuals with this attitude will read this and get the message and let me feel what I need to feel.)

To add to this pain, about a month ago we also lost a much beloved lady who was like another mother to Mr. MoonCat and me.  She was our brother-in-law Chris's mom and a really neat woman.  Nea was wonderful to us and her unexpected death was another sucker punch to all of us.  She and Mom have left major holes in my and Chris's lives, among others.

While at Nea's memorial, our truck decided to break down - 2 hours from home.  Ford is refusing to honor the warranty and the service they performed on it - which didn't fix the problem.  We have already had to shell out $1100 for the first failed attempt at repair with another $1400 (which we don't have) now being demanded before we can get it out of the shop.  We've had to shell out almost $700 in rental car fees because we were stuck and had to get home as well as having no vehicle for our trip.  I'm feeling a major hate for Ford Motor Company right now.  (I already wrote in a previous post about the wreck that occurred while in the tiny little rental car - yet another BAD THING.)

Topping all of this off, we've lost 5 of our dear little chickens in the last two weeks.  As far as we can determine, they contracted chicken pox.  Yes, they get their own disease and the remaining flock has been vaccinated.  So I'm missing my little friends as well as dealing with all of the other blows we've been smashed with lately. 

This has been an excessively rough year around here and it doesn't seem to be letting up. I'm thankful for what and who I do have, but dang it universe - let up on me!  I sure hope 2011 will be a better year for all of us.

Thank you for letting me rant and share, the good and the bad.  I do wish you all very Happy Holidays and I promise to come back soon with some happier animal updates and some pix from our trip to Southern California and Nevada.  We took a lot of photos and I'm slowly getting them sorted out.


  1. Please don't apologize for any grief which is completely understandable. You've just had loss after loss which of course is esp. painful over the holidays. My mother passed away over twelve years ago but she was really sick with cancer during the whole month of Dec. and then died in January. I still get extremely sad and just don't push myself to feel anything differently just because our society pushes us to be happy happy joy joy. Honor where you're at and I think that you share this part of your heart with your readers takes a lot of courage and soul.

  2. It's okay to feel sad during this time and really take the time to grieve. Holidays are hard for most of us having lost parents and/or siblings but having the loss still fresh is even harder. Be good to yourself this holiday season. Do only what you want and need to do. And take some time for yourself to not only grieve but pamper. Hang onto all those wonderful memories you have of both women. You might also want to start a new tradition this year. Not sure what that would be for you - maybe something honoring both women. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

  3. Listen, dear Jules, I have never gotten over losing my adopted dad over 50 years ago. His car was hit by a runaway truck. So don't let anyone tell you to get over and get on. Take your time and you will know when your grief is gone. The pain may lessen and be in the background for a long time. Your mom would want you to continue your life, Jules. She is looking down from her perch in the sky and knows you will be OK eventually. As far as FORD goes, I always thought of them as "find on road dead". That's all I have to say about that. Sorry about your chickens. Take good care. Sending positive energy your way. xxoo Nancy

  4. Thank you all so much. I almost didn't post this as I usually try to keep things upbeat, especially right now during the holidays. I am so glad that I did go ahead and throw it out there. It is amazing therapy.

    You ladies make me feel so much better and that I'm not alone in how I'm dealing with all of this. I appreciate all of you immensely. The friendship and support I have found in our little blogging world has been amazing.

    Bless you all and THANK YOU for being my friends and just for being there!


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