photo by Pawel Kabanski/Flickr |
It was a warm summer day when my mom, my sister and I were driving up into the foothills to visit my Gramma. The fields were all golden brown with the breeze causing ripples that looked like waves int the dried grass. We had the windows down, the sunroof open and were enjoying the trip...until..a GARGANTUAN grasshopper decided to terrorize me and end my "live and let live" lifestyle forever.
photo by DRB62/Flickr |
This mutant terrorist (easily over three inches long) was on his assignment to GET JULES when he bounced off of my arm and landed inside the car. He was on the headrest behind me and managed to get tangled in my hair. I was screeching for some help, but my horrible, unfeeling mother and sister were laughing too hard to assist me. The foul creature then decided to travel down the back of my tank top, scratching me all the way! (If you look closely at the photos of the horrible creatures above and below, you will see their hooks, claws, and spurs...) Anyway, his mission was obviously a one-way trip as he made the fatal mistake of continuing his path south and ended up IN MY UNDERWEAR! (So you don't think I was riding around in just a tank top and undies, my Wranglers tend to gap at the small of my back and my undies follow suit sometimes.)
photo by Bossco/Flickr |
Now to add insult/embarrassment to my injuries: Mom was slowing the car down to take an almost hairpin turn - while in hysterics, I remind you. I took advantage of this to bail out of the car, drop my pants AND underwear and proceed to stomp the life out of the suicidal demon bug. The mortifying part comes into the story due to the fact that there is a ranch house located right on the turn. At that particular moment in time, standing under a tree with their horses, were 4 or 5 of the ranch hands. They saw the whole dang thing and were laughing, whooping and hollering. With absolutely none of my dignity left, I pulled up my drawers, waved to them like a parade princess and flounced back into the car. I didn't speak to the other inhabitants in the car for the rest of the trip.
Once we got to Gramma's house, she was the only one who showed me any sympathy. That is until Mom looked at my back. I had vivid scratches all over my back with a couple of them even a bit bloody. I think she felt a bit bad after that, my sister didn't.
So, now you know the cause of one of my most irrational fears. This is also why Mom didn't say a word this morning when we were at the kitchen table and I suddenly went screeching at top speed outside with my basket of herbs. Something similar to the photo below was sitting on top of my catnip, LOOKING AT ME.
Hopper from A Bug's Life/California Adventure |